one movie review.

First off, Sylvester Stalone and Mickey Rourke both look like they had battery acid split on their faces and then tried to correct it with back alley plastic surgery. Ewe. The Expendables was supposed to be an awesome movie because it had Stalone, Statham, Li, Willis, Arnie, and that giant black dude from White Chicks and Gamer. But bloody hell, it was awful.

Mr. Governor (Arnie) and Bruce Willis both had a five minute cameo that you know cost the producers an arm and a leg, as well as most of the budget. Their parts were useless and unnecessary, and even though it did add another big name into it, it still wasn’t worth it. Arnie walks in, and then walks out in less than two minutes. And his lines were terrible. I think he forgot how to act. And Bruce Willis, well, I know he’s capable of acting well…as well as acting terrible (ie. Cop Out) but this was just retarded. He gives Stalone a job to do and then that was it. Done.

The plot, itself was dumb. The only relationships that are built up is the one between Stalone and Statham. In the beginning, they introduce a whole pack of bad asses, but for some reason, they all disappear until the end randomly. Mickey Rourke, as well, plays an amazing role where he’s a fat ‘tattoo artist’ and finishes a tattoo for Stalone by waving the needle around and then suddenly the rest of the tattoo is done. Psht. Fat chance.

The special effects are weak, the reasons why they do things are not established 100%, and I’m sorry, watching a two hour movie with Stalone and his botox-ed eye brows makes me a bit nauseous. This movie was terrible and the action wasn’t very good at all. I give it a 2.5/10, only because they had some interesting (not awesome) fight scenes where they used wrestling moves. It wasn’t bad, only two parts or so were decent.

OH. And Steve Austin, the wrestler, was in it. I hate wrestlers-turned-actors. God. Don’t ever see it, please. Unless you want to never age like Stalone and Rourke did.

-taylorr

3 new affiliates.

But no new updates or news. I am slacking, I apologize. I am busy with a dumb manager at work that I am trying to get fired/relocated for being a sexist, condescending jerk. I am trying to get my license while failing considerably. And I just have no time on my hands anymore.

I’m reading a really good book, which is rare for me because I never read books. It’s called The Doomsday Book by Connie Willis. It’s sci-fi, about historians who go back in time to survey the past for real, first-hand observations. But of course, things go amiss and one is stuck in Medieval times while the future is trying to bring her back while facing certain obstacles. It’s great if you’re into history and just a good read. It’s not insanely science fiction, like aliens and stuff, so it’s really tame if you’re not into it. I recommend it. I’m not done, but it’s really difficult to put the book down!

-taylor

updates + movie reviews + news

I have added two new banners, filed under banners (of course) and I have added eight ‘pug love’ icons, filed under random icons, that I think everyone needs to take a look at it. It will make you want a pug.

Onto more pressing news, I am going away a few times this month so I won’t be able to answer comments/update any faster than I normally do. If I haven’t replied to your comments, I have been super busy. My work is giving me a headache and a half so I have been trying to shake off my stress by… well… doing nothing at all. So I will try to get back to everyone, if I don’t, shame on me!

I finally saw Inception and hands down, that is the best movie of the year. I give it 10/10. I don’t even know how to describe it. The story is action packed and it keeps you on the edge of your seat, wanting to know what is going to happen. All the actors played their roles well, including Ellen Page, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt had to have been my absolute favourite. That slicked back hair, suit and vest combination — how can one not drool? But Leonardo DiCaprio was amazing, and parts of the movie made me think of Shutter Island, but then I realized how much more incredible Inception was.

It is a movie unlike anything you have ever seen. I can’t even compare the story to anything, minus Shutter Island. Christopher Nolan did an amazing job and wrote an amazing script. If you haven’t seen this movie, then get your behind down to your nearest theater and go see it!

On a smaller, less enthusiastic note, I saw Clash of the Titans. Absolutely dreadful — 2.5/10. The story is flipping around all the time, and some of the scenes just don’t transfer well, and everything is too forced and too fast. I’m not talking about falling in love in a day, but deciding that a fisherman can defeat the Cracken. And some of the characters have the wrong emphasis on them in the scenes and it was just very poorly done. Oh, and Medusa was apparently a snake.

The Losers was probably a bit better, 5.5/10. It reminded me of The A-Team, without all the special effects, humor, and kick-ass plans. It was a bit downplayed, a bit too mediocre, but it was better than the other movies I rented. If you want to watch an action movie about soldiers taking revenge, then go ahead and watch it. Otherwise, don’t bother.

Cop Out, I think, gets the lowest score of them all — 1/10. Bruce Willis, whom I love, was terrible, the story was terrible, and the humor was so forced I wanted to vomit. The story really does suck, the characters are unbelievable, and Martin Lawrence probably had a heart attack when he saw Tracy Morgan try to pull off his kind of humor. I fell asleep halfway through. This was another movie I recommend NOT seeing.

Kick-Ass, which I saw last night, was actually pretty funny. I give it a 7.5/10 because of Nicholas Cage and Chloe Moretz — who is 13 by the way and did most of her own stunts. Seeing a 13-year-old rape grown men is probably the best entertainment I have seen in a while. It’s a bit bloody for a ‘kids movie’, which it is not, and there’s a very minor sex scene which kind of grosses me out — in an alley by open garbage (how unhygienic). But otherwise it has some good laughs in it and its a decent story. Although the main character, who apparently is a model, Aaron Johnson, isn’t such a great actor. And you can tell he really isn’t a dork in real life.

But sorry for the long wait and the long update, but I had to get it out. Hopefully I can pump out more updates in the next little while!

-taylorr

shotgun movie reviews.

I wanted to get these off my chest before I forgot all about them. I’ll start with the small ones I watched: The Bounty Hunter, I probably shouldn’t have even rented it, it is the worst of all those ‘dorky chick flicks’ that have been going around. It had the same outline of all the other movies and I love Jennifer, but it was a terrible, terrible movie. Words can’t even describe how terrible Gerard Butler is in chick flicks — GO BACK TO ACTION. I’d give it a 2.5/10. And the movie was killer long. I advise anyone and everyone not to see it. Ever.

I also saw a movie called Tell Tale that was an adaptation of Edgar Allan Poe’s ‘Tell Tale Heart’. It was basically about a guy who got a heart transplant, but then the heart inside of him is trying to seek revenge through him for how he died. I mean, it has its flaws, but I really loved the concept and most of the movie was pretty interesting. If you’re into thrillers and are curious, you should rent it. I’d give it 7/10, mainly because they didn’t execute the movie the way I wanted it to go. But it was a good flick to watch.

Now, onto the big stuff. I went and saw The Sorcerer’s Apprentice the other night, and I have one word to sum it up: awesome. As a writer I’m normally really picky about the transition of scenes and aging, and the way the plot is created, but this movie was really, really good and I quite enjoyed it. It had a lot of corny jokes, but for once Disney made some new ones. And I’m sorry, but I’m a closet Nicolas Cage fan, so I enjoyed him a lot. The story about sorcerer’s is kind of silly, especially in the beginning, but I don’t know, I just really like it. It was well put together, the effects were cool, and even though the evil characters wanted to take over the world, it felt a little bit different.

I’d recommend it to anyone who likes that genre of movies (or books), like Harry Potter and so forth. Only I’m sure this movie is way better than any of the Harry Potter ones — which I will let you in on a sneak peek, I think the first and second are the only ones that even make sense! But I’ll bring that up later when I do my HP special.

This movie gets a 9.5/10 — go see it in theatres!

Hopefully more updates will be coming soon, ta-ta!

-taylorr

news + movie reviews

The title says it all. I saw the A-Team last Friday night and it was just as awesome as it could have been. I have never watched the show, but I can gather that they are both super corny and filled with catch phrases and very unbelievable escapes, rescues, etc. I am familiar with a good action flick, as that is my very favourite genre of movies. And I have seen corny, unbelievable, bad acting, bad filmed, bad stunts, and bad plot lines. Honestly, the A-Team was pretty good.

I thought it was very funny, especially because the actor from Distict 9, Sharlto Copley, was drop head hilarious. He plays Murdock, their crazy pilot. And their ideas are so damn crazy and you’re sitting there, asking yourself if any of these stunts could be possible, but then you forget you were ever asking yourself that question because something else just as crazy happened. Liam Neeson is probably one of my favourite actors in action flicks because he plays the badass so well. In Taken, which is a 9/10, he was epic. In Batman Begins, 10/10, he was awesome. I haven’t seen Clash of the Titans, but it looks like crap so I can forgive him for that.

Basically if you love action and you love Liam Neeson and Bradley Cooper, then you will love this movie. It’s non-stop, and although the plot is a little twisty and turny, it doesn’t even matter. I guarantee you all that I will buy it when it comes out… and I can buy it for 7.99$ at Superstore. The A-Team gets 9/10.

I also saw Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief, which gets 4.5/10. It was really awful and the plot raced on like a book that 3/4 of the pages were torn out of. I like the actor who plays Percy, Logan Lerman, mainly because he was in Gamer, one of my other favourite action movies. But I know for a fact that the book will be better, so I’m not bashing the book or the story idea. But I’m bashing the execution of the movie as a movie, because I haven’t read the book. The CGI was dumb, I didn’t like how Rosario Dawson had powers when from what I remember from Civ was that Persephone was a mortal dragged to hell to be Hades wife. I don’t think mortals can acquire powers. I didn’t like how automatically, Zeus is all “Oh yeah Poseidon, I know your son took it — yeah, the very one that doesn’t know he’s a demi-God because of me.” It made no sense at all in the movie why he would assume Percy would take it.

I think you should all know that I am a very picky person, and I may pick apart movies piece by piece, but it’s only my opinion. I like Gerard Butley, Liam Neeson, and Sam Worthington in high-powered action movies with car chases, twisted plots, and bad ass villains. One of my favourite series is The Bourne series. Everything about it is amazing. I also love the newest Batman movies: Batman Begins and The Dark Knight are two of the most perfect movies. They both blew me away and I give them both 10/10. I can be please, you know. I also like British humour like Monty Python (thanks to my dad).

So if you loved a movie I have 3/10, power to you. Don’t let me change your opinion. But I hope my reviews are a bit entertaining. I think I’ll special a Harry Potter blog and rate all 6 of the movies in comparison to the book — would you all be down for that? It’ll be time consuming because I have a lot to say. Do you want to see me work my ass off on dissing all the directors and screenplay writers?

I’m also going camping this weekend, so leave me tons of support (or not). Thanks to everyone who is reading this, you are all awesome! And I’ll try to respond to all my comments and if I forgot yours, you know I didn’t mean to!!

P.S. I have a new affiliate — Ashley, the great. Find her at  discoisdead.net

-taylorr

movie reviews + news

JULY 09 EDIT: I was too lazy to post a new blog, so I added 6 icons and 1 banner. Love me.

I am meaning to reply to all of your comments, but I must dispose of this Eclipse review before its too late! Because I know you all really want to know what I think of the whole Edward-Bella-Jacob triangle. I have been super busy this summer with work and, well, being quite lazy and watching far too many movies. My boyfriend and I just rent movies weekly and waste away with terrible, terrible plot lines.

Before I splurge into Eclipse, I have a few quick shotgun movie reviews (if I can remember them all). Hot Tub Time Machine is hilarious with some sentimental crap that actually works well in the movie, and I especially love how its all about the 80’s. Honestly, I think I belonged in the 80’s. At least then I wouldn’t be a huge computer-addict, haha. It’s funny, it has some boobs, and a lot of ridiculous 80’s fashion. 9/10.

Alice in Wonderland kind of sucked, to be honest. I watched it on video, so I didn’t get the effect of the 3d. But I didn’t like the plot because it’s supposed to be Alice returning to Wonderland. And some of the characters were a bit much, I think. I just didn’t like it. 4.5/10. Although Johnny Depp was… pretty good, I suppose.

Youth in Revolt with Michael Cera is one of those ‘indie’ type comedies where you’re not sure where you’re supposed to laugh. There are a lot of slow parts throughout the movie, so if you can’t take slow, then don’t watch it. There are a few good jokes throughout the movie so if you have patience, you should stop and watch it. Otherwise, I would give it a 6/10. The slow parts kind of ruined it for me.

The Book of Eli was actually really good. If you like post-apocalyptic action movies, then you should see it. It’s like The Road (with Viggo in it) but way less terrible with way more action. Both of those movies have the same idea, but Denzel takes the cake with a 8.5/10. The other piece of crap gets a 3/10. I also watched Green Zone with Matt Damon. If you like war movies, then you will like this. It’s based on actual events, so if you’re a news buff you’ll just ruin the movie for yourself. But it’s a good war flick that holds your attention. It is all about why they are in Iraq, and a soldier questioning it. And then there was When In Rome which could have been better, but it kind of flopped. It was working out for the intro when she is actually in Rome, but then the rest of the story kind of falters. I think it could have been better, I had high hopes for it, but it just didn’t cut it. Although Josh D. (Fergie’s husband) is very attractive so it wasn’t too, too bad. Still, I must present it with a 5.5/10.

Oh, and then I watched The Crazies. I originally thought it’d be like other lame zombie movies, but it focuses more on the military involvement of trying to contain it. And they aren’t technically zombies, they’re just crazy and try to kill everyone. I quite enjoyed it and I recommend it to anyone who likes action and zombies. 8.5/10.

Now, what you’ve all been waiting for. My wrists really hurt from typing so damn much so unfortunately my opinion will be condensed into a paragraph or so. Eclipse was surprisingly better than the other two movies, but that’s due to the fact that they kind of ripped a lot of parts out of the book and stuck in pages of their own. And, as my friend liked to keep reminding me, it had more action. True, the CGI could have been much, much, much better, but it was an improvement from the others. The movie starts with Eddy and Bells in their meadow which looks nothing like the original two, and it ends in the same one. The book makes me sick enough, but their “love” scenes almost made me bring back up my popcorn.

As well, the lack of acting made the movie hard to sit through. I think the Edward/Bella and Jacob/Bella parts were the hardest to get through. I was not alone in the snickering in the theater that was completely filled, by the way. It was much more cornier than any chick flick I have had the displeasure of seeing, although, like I said, Twilight (movie #1) was much, much worse.

I think the movie could have used more shirtless Jacob and less shirtless, chubby natives, less Bella/Edward sappy moments. I would like to point out that all of their conversations, Edward and Bella, they speak maybe an inch away from each others faces. These actors may have talent, but it is very difficult to see in these movies. It may be the roles, the plot, or maybe they do really suck at acting. Either way, Eclipse gets a 3.5/10. And we all know why it gets at least 3.5.

Sorry I suck!

-taylorr

6 new icons + movie review.

I have had these icons cookin’ for a while, but I got far too lazy to put them up. I went through my graphics phase and now I’m going to through my writing phase. But my graphics phase is a giant dumb, believe me, right now. I tried making a new layout for Chalk, but I have failed several times. I don’t know why it’s so difficult to make it…

Anyway, I want to jump into my movie reviews. Before I get into the big one, I rented some movies in the past two weeks that I will give you my verdict on. The Road 2.5/10 — worst post-apocalyptic movie ever and no climax in the whole two-hour movie. The Wolfman 6/10 — probably one of the better werewolf movies, but there were a lot of cheesy parts. Still worth a rent, I would think. Anthony Hopkins is crazy, as always. Leap Year 4/10 — worst chick flick ever. Wasn’t cute, funny, or romantic because they stole everything out of other movies, and it was so not original. World’s Greatest Dad 8/10 — really funny and awkward, Robin Williams is in it and it probably wasn’t an ‘in-theatre’ movie, but it is totally worth a rent (if you’re into that kind of humour). And finally, Drag Me to Hell 3.5/10 — terrible movie, terrible acting, terrible plot, terrible action, terrible CGI, and basically just really random and all over the place. I don’t recommend it.

Now for the juicy review. Last night I went to see Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. I have always wanted to play the game, but naturally my laziness overtakes my curiosity and so I have never rented it. I thought it would be a grand idea to see the movie first, but that’s probably not a good move on my part. It has one of those intricate plots that if it were apart of the video game, I would already know what was going to happen. Fingers crossed that they changed some parts.

Jake G. (because I’m not going to try to spell his last name) did not fit the character. And neither did his family. They were all white. And they’re supposed to be the rulers of Persia. So wouldn’t they be Middle Eastern, at least? Not British? And Jake cannot pull off a very convincing British accent at all. I didn’t like him as the main character so that spoiled the movie for me a bit. Now, Gemma Arterton, who some of you may recognize from Clash of the Titans or James Bond: Quantam of Solace (the red head), she was superb. I think she looks quite beautiful with long black hair opposed to red or brown hair (as some photos show). She was excellent, I thought her acting was right on, and she was really stunning all movie.

Plot wise, my boyfriend said it moved like a video game and that was probably why I thought it moved too quickly in the beginning. But the middle was good, and there was some lovers bickering in between Jake and Gemma which I normally despise, but it was worth it. It was decent, but because it was Disney, all of the fighting was really toned down instead of a normal action movie. There was a lot of him avoiding the conflicts by running up buildings and hanging from ceiling rafters, etc.

Overall, I would give this movie a 6.5/10 because of Gemma and the middle of the movie — it saved it. But honestly, I think it could have been much better than it was, but I enjoyed what was there of it. Now, I am waiting for Uncharted to become a movie so I can oggle at a human Drake, rather than a video game Drake.

Anyway, I’ll stop talking now.

-taylorr